People Turning Screen Brightness “All The Way Down” Still Can’t Find Drugs On...
A man who turned his laptop’s screen brightness “all the way down” in an attempt to find drugs on the dark web has been left confused and drugless. Barry Mason, a half-wit from some shit hole up North,...
View ArticleFacebook Now Just Videos Of Festivals
According to the latest observations, Facebook is now made up entirely of videos taken at various music festivals. Leading social media experts claim that the yearly phenomenon, known simply as...
View ArticleSoundcloud To Be Killed Off In Eastenders Xmas Special
A leaked Christmas trailer for Eastenders hints at the popular streaming platform Soundcloud being killed off in an emotional Boxing Day farewell episode. The special Christmas trailer sees Soundcloud...
View ArticleTwitter Troll Actually Only 2 Feet Tall & Lives Under Bridge
The world’s first actual Twitter troll has been found living under a bridge in a small village in Northern England. Locals claim the troll has been living under the bridge in Aysgarth, Yorkshire, since...
View ArticleWomen’s Acai Smoothie Can’t Believe Its Insta-Famous
An acai smoothie has been left pleasantly surprised after finding out it had become Insta-famous after it’s creator posted a picture of it on the popular social media platform Instagram. The Smoothie,...
View ArticleBitcoin Bought Ten Years Ago Now Worth “A Shit Ton Of Coke”
According to one of the world’s leading economists, Bitcoin bought ten years ago is now worth “a shit ton of coke”. Marlon Stanfield, of the University of Baltimore, claims that someone who bought $100...
View ArticleDixon Cancels Resident Advisor DJ Poll Results Party
Innervisions label boss and year-round Christmas jumper wearer Dixon has reportedly canceled his annual Resident Advisor DJ Poll results party. The DJ, real name Steffan Berkhahn, is believed to have...
View ArticleDixon Tries Putting Resident Advisor In Bag Of Rice
In a desperate attempt to regain his place at the top of the Resident Advisor DJ poll, Dixon has tried to put the online music magazine into a bag of rice. The DJ, real name Steffan Berkhahn,...
View ArticleSoundcloud Take Down DJ’s Christmas Decorations
Soundcloud have reportedly removed an entire house worth of Christmas decorations from a DJ’s house due to potential licensing issues. Andrew Handsfield, aka DJ Handy Andy, was left fuming after...
View ArticleFacebook Dance Music Group Now World’s Most Hostile Place
A dance music group on Facebook has been named as the world’s most hostile place in a recent survey by National Geographic. According to reports, the group, which originated in Dublin, Ireland, has...
View ArticleSmug Levels At All Time High Among People Who Didn’t Buy Bitcoin
Online reports suggest that smug levels are at an all time high among people who didn’t buy Bitcoin within the last six months. Experts claim that billions of dollars have been wiped from Bitcoin...
View ArticleLast Beer At House Party Sold On eBay For £2.6m
The last bottle of beer at an English house party has reportedly sold on eBay for the princely sum of £2.6million. The bottle, a lukewarm Galahad, is believed to have been bought by an anonymous bidder...
View ArticleDJ Who Earns £3,000 An Hour To Play Music In Clubs Upset That He’s Not...
A DJ who earns at least three thousand pounds per hour to play music in nightclubs is said to be extremely upset because he’s not earning enough money from Spotify. Ian Barley, aka DJ Barley Davidson,...
View ArticleKinder Announce Children’s Dating App
Every child’s favourite chocolate manufacturer, Kinder, has announced that it is set to launch a brand new dating app aimed exclusively at children. Kinder CEO William Wonka-Smith claims the new dating...
View ArticleKnife Crime Drops To Zero Thanks To YouTube Censors
YouTube has reportedly saved the lives of countless young people by deleting thirty music videos. In what is being hailed as a masterstroke by London Mayor, Sadiq Khan, single-handedly eradicated knife...
View ArticleChecking In On Social Media Now Number One Reason For Going Out
Checking in on social media is now considered to be the number one reason for going out in adults between the ages of eighteen and twenty-five. According to the latest research, conventional reasons...
View ArticleWorld Greatest DJ Beat Matches Facebook’s Algorithm With Lil Louis’s French Kiss
The world’s greatest DJ has reportedly managed to successfully mix Facebook’s latest algorithm with Lil Louis’s timeless classic French Kiss. Brian Heffernan, a.k.a. DJ Heffin on Earth, is rumoured to...
View ArticleMan’s Tinder Matches Up 1000% After Uploading Pic With Puppy
A man’s Tinder matches have increased by almost 1000% after he uploaded a picture of himself holding a cute little puppy. Steven Jones, a twenty-eight-year-old “pussy hound” from Cardiff, Wales, claims...
View ArticleBrian Harvey Advised Not To Take Kiki Challenge
Former East 17 singer Brian Harvey has been strongly advised against taking the Kiki challenge by a number of his closest friends. Harvey, who was seriously injured after running over himself in his...
View ArticleWatching Netflix Drug Documentaries Increase Likeliness Of Getting On The Bag...
According to the latest research, watching drug documentaries on Netflix increases you’re likeliness of “getting on the bag” by up to one hundred percent. A recent influx of documentaries and...
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