Soundcloud bosses have released a statement highlighting their disgust at people who still feel it is appropriate to upload mixes to their website.
According to sources within the company, Soundcloud was created as platform where people could share music with similar like minded people, not some drop off point for people to post mixes for their friends to listen to.
“People just don’t seem to get the message, we don’t want your mixes here on Soundcloud anymore,” claimed company director Tim Stratus. “As from today, anyone who tries to upload a mix onto our server will receive a lifetime ban from the site.”
“What do people think we are, some sort of doss house for DJs to come and share their mixes with anyone in the world who’s willing to listen to them?” queried the business executive. “Well we’re not. We’re a global online audio distribution platform. There’s a massive difference.”
“If you want to share your mixes with people why not burn a few CDs and hand them out at your local nightclub,” suggested Mr. Stratus. “The internet’s not about having information or music at the tip of your fingers. It’s about multinational corporations having easy access to your personal information, people having something to blankly stare at for hours on end and porn, lots and lots of porn. Anyone who says different is lying”
“There’s just no place in the modern music industry for sharing,” added Stratus. “Nowadays the best way for you to really get your music out there is to keep it locked up in a vault, wait until someone gives royalties from it and then share it one download at a time. Before you know it tens of people will have heard it.”
In related news, Mixcloud have announced that they are happy for people to upload mixes, as long as anyone wishing to do so swears an oath of allegiance promising never to use Soundcloud. So far everyone has agreed.