A DJ on the cusp of stardom has decided to make a homophobic rant on his social feeds after becoming massively disillusioned with fame.
27-year-old Marcus Albright, who DJs under the name Sick Bitch, reportedly has become wary of the trappings of fame that DJing stardom brings and wants to use the most effective and quickest way to end his career – by making silly, uneducated and dated statements online.
“I actually like gay lads and have nothing against gay people whatsoever but to be honest, having people recognise me, pay me money and play my tracks is all becoming a bit too much,” explained Marcus, who says he is hoping to drop the anti-gay rant later tonight via Facebook. “I was going to just announce my retirement and maybe move to Fort Lauderdale, eat cherry pie and bang cheerleeders but figured this is the best way to absolutely scuttle my career.”
“I took a lot of inspiration from Ten Walls, I think the man is a genius…at prematurely ending your career by saying needlessly offensive nonsense,” he continued. “I remember when Eric Cantona retired at the top of football at 27, I thought that was boss but I notice that people still harbour a desire to see him back.”
“I don’t want that,” he added. “I want to just whittle sculptures of my own face and sleep til 4 on weekdays while being completely relieved of all responsibility.”
“Much like Ten Walls, I’ll actually have no career,” he concluded. “I haven’t settled on the rant yet, I was going to make a comparison between gay men, priests and child sex but that’s been done to death. Plus I just want to end my career, not be a hated pariah.”