Independent social media watchdog Chat Shit Get Banned, or CSGB, has today confirmed that a staggering ninety four percent of images posted by hipsters, who claim to be “adventurers”, are actually posted by proletariat charlatans working jobs in bookies, bars and other dead end nine to five jobs who rarely travel anywhere for longer than a weekend.
The independent report was launched after CSGB members noticed that a heavy majority of their interactions with customer service assistants seem to take place largely with “self-obsessed, bearded, tattooed men and crusty dreadlocked women”.
Upon closer surveillance, it was found a staggering majority of these individuals were identifying themselves on social media as everything from user interface designers and vegan cheese makers, travel bloggers and fire jugglers regardless of the fact their name badges usually said “checkouts”, “entertainment team” or “catering”.
Petra Stomare, of the CSGB, took a few minutes to explain the shock find to Wunderground, “I first noticed it on one of my weekly trips to Foxy Bingo with the lads from HR, the tattooed twat who brays every week to us about his “Wanderlust” blog serves us every single game.”
“If he’s such a free-range, organic, latter-day Shackleton why the fuck has the tweed wearing little flange been stood in a bingo hall in Gallions Reach for the past eight months calling Two Fat Ladies and helping old people mop the piss off their mobility scooters?” Ms Stomare raged.
“My training kicked in. I smelt it. Bullshit, organic, environmentally sustainable, Bank Of Mum And Dad trust fund financed bullshit.”
“So I decided to dig a little deeper, I followed him on Instagram and Tumblr and it was exactly as I suspected. He finished a degree in contemporary dance and theatre, went travelling for six months on Daddy’s tax evasion money, took a shitload of photos and continues to post them three years later with different Instagram filters like he’s Michael fucking Palin.”
“He literally can’t accept he works in a bingo hall and barely clocks minimum wage. Travel blog? Adventurer? His Oyster doesn’t even cover Zone 6 for fucks sake.”
