A forty eight year old man who has been posing as a twenty one year old girl on Tinder for the last six months can’t figure out why he is finding it so hard to find love.
Alex Jenkins, known locally as a “fat creep” and “horrible cunt”, set up the fake Tinder profile in an attempt to find “Ms Right” but has so far failed to meet any females at all.
Wunderground caught up with Mr Jenkins earlier today, “What’s wrong with me?” he asked us pathetically. “I think I’m destined to be single for my whole life. All, one, of my friends, who’s also my mum, told me that I should sign up to Tinder, apparently everyone on Tinder finds love eventually but I haven’t met a single lady on there yet.”
“Sure, I’ve been posing as a twenty one year old girl and, in fairness, Gillian, my sexy alias, is matching with a lot of boys but it’s doing nothing for me, apart from being a great aid to my wanking,” continued Jenkins. “I just didn’t think that an unemployed, twenty two stone, thirty nine year old virgin was what people on Tinder would be looking for so I opted for the twenty one year old nymphomaniac instead.”
According to Tinder user Brian, 23, Gillian seemed like a “bit of a goer at first” but went quiet as soon as he asked to meet her.
“I thought I was totally in there with that Gillian bird mate,” claimed Brian earlier. “I was kind of surprised because she was such a hottie, a bit like a young Jessica Alba, but she seemed well into me, she was a filthy little whore if I’m being honest but as soon as I suggested we meet up she just went totally cold on me and I never heard back from her again.”
Recent statistics show that approximately one in every five Tinder matches is either a catfish or a spam bot. While a further one in five is someone who is quite obviously lying about their age.