A man who read an article with “What Happens Next Is Truly Shocking” in the headline has been left bitterly disappointed after not being shocked at all.
Ian Evans, a twenty six year old carpenter, described his mood as “beige” after reading the clickbait article on “some poxy waste of time website”.
“I love a good shock me,” confirmed Ian moments after reading the article. “Especially if it’s some sort of weird sexual thing like munting or pictures of mutilated corpses after motor bike crashes. That kind of thing would be truly shocking and also very entertaining.”
“The story I looked at was about a family who discovered a secret cellar under their house,” continued Evans. “So naturally I was expecting to see some sort of kinky Fritzel type rape and torture dungeon. No such look! All it was, was a big fucking room with some old furniture in it. No shackles, no rusty torture tools, no dismembered body parts preserved in jars. Nothing, apart from a rocking chair and an old Singer sewing machine.”
“Now I don’t know about you but, to me, that wasn’t one bit fucking shocking,” ranted Evans. “I’m expecting to be shocked but all I see is some poxy family who’ve just discovered an extra level of their house and found some antiques, if anything that makes me jealous. The jammy pricks.”
“I’m never going to let the internet tell me how I’m going to feel ever again. I’m only just after getting over one of those shitty ‘this video will reaffirm your faith in humanity” videos and now this!”
Unconfirmed reports suggest that after consoling himself with a bottle of whiskey, Mr. Evans decided to check his house for “secret dungeons”, causing £110s of pounds worth of damaging by ripping carpets and floorboards up.